Gesture
Amidst our weeklong stay at the beach in Torrey Pines, we had numerous experiences that reinforced our relationships as father and children. We enjoyed catch together, camping in tents somewhat sequestered from other beach campers, long walks along the beach and, as always, the ever-present lapping of waves both large and small along the sand that led to our camp, tents and campfire. Removed from their presence for many months prior, I had arranged a camp site that was reliably warm, secluded and available to our activities and time together. Michael and Grant set up their pup tent about twenty feet from the mouth of our larger tent that housed the remainder of us. I slept at the door of our tent to keep an eye on the other tent while protecting ours. Summer days passed as we enjoyed the relaxing atmosphere of the beach and the unfamiliar preparations of our food and drink. Regardless of our external limits and legal restrictions, we seemed determined to set them aside while together. Limitations be damned, we would enjoy the opportunities available to us while there and put on the accoutrements of divorced father and children when called upon at the end of our stay together at the beach.
Parenthetically, I wondered at the allowances of a wife who had referenced her husband’s mistreatment of his children to her friends as a cause for divorce. Yet, she released them willingly only weeks later to a combined union alone with him hundreds of miles away. I pondered that the same wife who had knowingly encouraged her children’s extended time with their father; yet, had not referenced such mistreatment in her divorce of him. Regardless of the seeming discordance with which she had imposed her legal restraints, she’d permitted a private rendezvous between them that was not to be known among associates, and allies – just me, her, and the children in confidentiality!
In a family camping experience, we’d encountered much earlier, we were camped together at Mammoth, California in a camping ground surrounding Twin Lakes. One night late as we were just settling for a night’s rest, Grant began to call out and howl in his sleep. Inasmuch as I was in a separate tent, I arose from my bed and rushed to his side. He was sleeping next to his Aunt JoAnn and I quickly attempted to arouse him from his apparent nightmare. To our combined dismay, Grant would not readily arouse and I attempted still further to stir him from what now was an extended episode. Finally, I was able to intrude his state and return him to ‘reality’. Inasmuch as such an episode had not before occurred; and inasmuch as the episode left us disturbed, we slept little that night and I commenced an examination of the situation immediately upon arriving home from our campout. To my surprise, I was able to ascertain that Grant had experienced a ‘night terror’. Knowing nothing of these, I quickly learned that some kids experienced these with relative frequency and did not experience any lasting, detrimental effects. Inasmuch as Grant did not experience any further episodes, I allowed the event to pass and fade into history.
However, as we slept on the beach one night, Grant began to cry out in his sleep, and I had a better understanding of what to do. It was in the early morning hour, and I rushed to Grant’s tent. There, I was able to gently arouse him; and, in the aftermath, invited him to join me in my tent. He readily accepted and we lay down in my sleeping bag as the morning was beginning to approach. Neither Grant nor I had been together under such circumstances and I appreciated Grant’s willingness to receive comfort from such a disturbing episode. As we lay there half awake and half asleep, Grant chose that time to mouth a comment to me. Inasmuch as we were but inches apart and I could not discern his actions; I asked him to repeat his gesture. He again mouthed his comment and I stated that he seemed to be saying that he loved me. I certainly did not want him to experience discomfort with such an intimate statement. Neither did I want to misunderstand him. Finally, following a smile and giggle, he relented and told me that he was mouthing the words – ‘elephant juice’. Mouthed silently, this was interpreted as ‘I love you’. I had been taken back by his youthful forthrightness and chagrined at his humorous gesture. Nevertheless, I was ever so grateful that my son was alright and able to find humor in the midst of his night time, unconscious incident. His life was a valuable, effervescent life that warranted all the support available as he valiantly, inconspicuously wrestled with the parameters that seemed to continually beset his endeavoring spirit. I would be as available to this wonderful son as much as the elements surrounding my life allowed! The eyes of that son only seconds old, now shone brightly from a preteenager’s face into mine that fateful morning.
Regardless of his struggles, they still shine!
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