Fontana

Having to relocate quickly from my home in Ontario because my landlord had notified me that he was having to return to his home a few weeks; hence, I quickly located a home in Fontana that I could move to in a matter of weeks. Thus, I was required to rapidly collect my belongings and move them to 9455 Fremontia Ave in a matter of about a week - with no advance notice. Being the only Caucasian in the two-block area, I felt somewhat of a minority; but learned to get along, nonetheless. I was very quickly called to teach the Gospel Doctrine Adult Sunday School class and assumed my responsibilities readily; taking the initiative to magnify my calling and seriously introduce considerations they’d not experienced in prior years. Teaching that class weekly for many months; I was then called to be the High Priest Group Secretary. I fulfilled that calling while still teaching Sunday School until they could acquire a replacement several months later. Once reduced to a single calling, I was able to concentrate on being secretary much easier; magnifying it to the point that Group Leadership found my efficiency to be a bit intimidating, as I introduced elements they’d never encountered in a leadership role before. Written agendas and minutes had not been an element they’d experienced in a quorum secretary before. Occasionally I experienced their good-natured chiding me for taking my calling too seriously. Following about 18 months as Secretary to the High Priest Group, our Group Leader was called to head the regional Bishop’s Central Storehouse located locally (which was one of the largest in the country); and released as High Priest Group Leader. Subsequently, they called me to be the High Priest Group Leader of the Oleander Ward; and I accepted the responsibility immediately. I would serve in this capacity for several years until I was eventually rendered incapacitated due to a Cervical Radiculopathy development. (Oddly, I was incapacitated for a number of months until released and replaced. [It turns out I was replaced only a few months prior to the incorporation of the High Priests into the now Elder’s Quorum of the wards.])

Leading the High Priest Group in the Oleander Ward was an intriguing and challenging responsibility. I found my calling to be particularly interesting in that I’d not encountered many circumstances where a single divorcee led a priesthood organization. Yet there I was. It seemed that there never were sufficient brethren who shouldered their calling responsibilities seriously. Following numerous occasions where an instructor failed to fulfill his teaching assignment nor even notify of his absence; I found that I almost always had to carry a backup lesson prepared should I have to teach a given weekly class - without notice. My Group Assistants were superb; and I was able to rely heavily upon them. Our High Priest Group was comprised of an eclectic membership of 10 -12 regular attendees. At the advanced end of our spectrum of brethren was our former Stake President who’d recently been released as the Redlands Temple President. He clearly had a strong understanding of the gospel. At the other end of our Group spectrum was a member who seemed to know little of the gospel beyond the cultural norms he’d experienced. The full spectrum of understanding was represented in the Group’s membership. Thus, the need to present and teach so that the understanding of both ends of spectrum were ‘fed’ spiritual guidance - was challenging. Endeavoring to assist the spectrum of misunderstanding at the ‘shallow’ end while feeding the ‘spiritual food’ warranted at the ‘deeper’ end represented a significant encounter to address during a weekly 50-minute class. The Oleander Ward presented an uncommon need. Additionally, I might be called upon to occasionally conduct Priesthood opening exercises if the entire Bishopric was not in attendance. Likewise, if the bishop’s counselors were absent, I would sit on the stand with the bishop to assure he had someone to assist - should it be needed. Thus, the calling offered distinct challenges.

Injury

One Sunday morning in September of 2015, I arose from sleep early to prepare to attend our Ward High Council Meeting just as I’d attended regularly for more than a year. As I sat up, I realized that my entire right side was non-functional. I could not stand due to a non-functioning right leg. Furthermore, I could not lift my right arm - it was non-functional also. Alarmed at this unanticipated occurrence, I continued to attempt normal functioning. Eventually, my right leg returned to normalcy and I was able to stand up from my bedside. Still alarmed, I wondered what I could have been doing during my sleep to invoke such serious consequences the next morning. Thinking like ‘a guy’, I thought I’d just ‘rub dirt on it’ and my body would resume normal functionality. It was not to be. As I rubbed and massaged my right arm and shoulder, I could feel its numbness increase with enhanced circulation. As blood surged through my shoulder and arm, a severe pain radiated from a forearm spot mid-way atop and between my wrist and elbow. The pain was severe, unrelenting and of an intensity I’d never experienced before. Arising from my bed I walked to my living room easy chair and plopped down. The pain had begun spreading throughout my arm, shoulder and shoulder-blade area. Recognizing that I’d be unable to meet my responsibilities that Sunday, I called my 1st Assistant and explained my circumstance. He readily accepted my request to represent our Quorum Leadership that day; attending Ward Council and conducting our Quorum priesthood meeting. I then settled back in my chair; turning my full attention to the impairment that had dominated me since awakening. Investigating more thoroughly; I discovered that the spot about the size of a quarter atop my right forearm seemed to be the locus of the pain. As I searched my memory for some kind of clue, I remembered that during the night I’d been sleeping on my pillow on my right side. Of a sudden, my entire body kind of shifted slightly and my spine kind of slumped allowing my neck to kink somewhere near the base of my neck. Prior to this kink, my spine and neck had been merely curved as I slept on my side. Of course, I had significant difficulty explaining what I seemed to remember amidst my slumber; and could prove even less. Throughout that Sunday, I endured the acute pain in hopes that my body might heal itself. Arriving at evening with no relief, I decided I’d have to see a doctor on the morrow. Arranging to see a doctor at my Health Maintenance Organization’s nearby hospital – Kaiser Permanente; I arrived midafternoon and was admitted to the doctor’s office. He listened to my explanation; took my vitals; and rendered his diagnosis. He said I was experiencing ‘skeletal pain’ and would need medication to alleviate it. He prescribed a pill and I filled the prescription at the available on-site pharmacy. Taking the pill upon arrival home, I experienced absolutely no relief following a number of hours waiting for the medication to affect at least a modicum of relief. Receiving absolutely none; I determined that I’d consult my brother’s widow, Jean, who’d been a nurse for years. She listened and seemed unable to render a definable recommendation. Hanging up, I was grateful for her assistance but knew I was gradually surrendering to my malady due to unrelenting pain. Shortly thereafter, I received a call from my brother, Rick who served as an x-ray professional in a Saint George Hospital. He’d learned of my circumstance from Jean and listened intently as I endeavored to explain my circumstance - which was approaching emergency status. I knew I was ‘sinking’ fast due to the unrelenting pain that had come to dominate my being. During the hours since learning of my circumstance, I’d begun to experience a ‘swelling’ for lack of a better phrase that forced my head forward such that my chin was now almost pinned against my chest; because my neck swelling would no longer allow its straightening – regardless of my efforts. I knew I was approaching emergency seriousness; but did not recognize what I should do because the pain seemed to cloud by thinking.

Emergency Room

Rick advised me that I submit myself to the Emergency Room at the hospital because then I could receive ready attention and not risk further difficulty should I have to wait days for another doctor visit. I recognized the validity of his recommendation and determined that I would follow his advice. I arranged with a good friend, Travis Boden, to have him accompany me to the emergency room the following early morning on his way to work. Upon our arrival early the next morning, Travis put me in a wheelchair to appear more desperate and wheeled me to the admittance desk. There we saw over 75 patients awaiting attention and realized I was in for a wait. I was admitted, wheeled to a waiting line, and Travis left for work. After waiting to receive the slightest attention for over 5 hours; I received a call from my 2nd assistant, Eddie Hansen, who was checking up on me. I explained where I was and my circumstance and he joined me a few minutes later to accompany me in my pain and discouragement. Throughout the ordeal, my pain had mounted; and by the time Eddie appeared I had trails of tears down my cheeks where I’d waited patiently now for over 7 hours to be attended to while enduring searing pain and an increasingly swollen neck. (I had to look out the tops of my eyes because my head was tipped forward; my chin pinned against my chest.) Eddie’s devotion and accompanying presence sincerely buoyed my discouraged spirit; and I’ll be forever grateful for his care. A few hours later I was called to a nurse’s room and began to receive medical attention. Eddie, realizing I was now in a nurse’s care, left for his own family and concerns. Acknowledging my contorted presence, the nurse inserted an intravenous needle and wheeled me to receive a cat scan. Leaving me in the care of the technician; he recommended I lie flat to allow a scan. I explained that I could not straighten my neck and that a pillow to hold my head would permit me to relax a little and lie as flat as I could. He complied and I was ‘scanned’. He announced that my neck was too kinked; and that he’d be unable to complete a scan. With that, I was wheeled back to my emergency room bed and the nurse was informed. She then explained that they would inject morphine into the intravenous needle and that should allow my adherence to a flat scan. With that she injected a vial; and I felt the morphine as it entered my blood stream - a slightly hot, burning sensation. I explained that I’d never had morphine and she stated that occasionally some patients reacted to its influence. She then left to care for others. Inasmuch as my kinked neck would not allow me to lie on the bed; I sat on its bedside; hunched over with pain and discomfort. A few minutes later, I began to react to the morphine with an extremely upset stomach. I notified the nurse and she supplied me with a ‘barf bag’ similar to those supplied on airlines. Within minutes I emptied the contents of my stomach into the bag. I then commenced to ‘dry heave’ producing nothing but bile and small amounts of liquid into the bag. As I sat there alone at the side of my bed; barfing and emitting distressing sounds; I wondered just how bad someone had to be to receive attention at this emergency room. Contorted and hunched over at the side of my bed, barfing and retching; Travis entered from behind a curtain separating the beds from the general room. In his usual humorous fashion, he announced himself by quoting a well-known line from a film entitled “The Elephant Man”. In that scene the distorted figure was running to escape an angry mob frightened from his grotesque appearance. Barred from further escape, the figure shouted to confirm himself as a human being, appearing as some kind of animal monster. Observing my severe situation, Travis announced himself by quoting the ‘elephant man’ loudly declaring, “I am not an animal!” Given my disturbing condition, I doubt another declaration could’ve caught me with the humor of such an intense circumstance. Helping what little he could amidst my continuing dry heaves, I relaxed slightly with the humor of his announcement. Finally, the nurse swapped out by ‘barf bag’ for a new one as I observed a doctor at a computer several empty beds away. He finally introduced himself as a surgeon and explained that my spine had experienced a serious failure at the base of my neck. He said that with what little scan they’d been able to get; it revealed that my spinal cord had responded by shifting with the failure and was rubbing against the resulting collapsed column. The nerve bundles that served my right arm had been affected and the pain I was experiencing was ‘nerve pain’. The quarter sized locus on my forearm ‘mapped’ to the place where my spinal cord rubbed against the crumbled vertebrae. Hence, the pain and numbness of my arm and shoulder were mere symptoms of the actual failure located within my spine near the base of my neck.  Regular medication intended to address tissue pain was ineffective in treating such pain. (This explained why my doctor’s prescription had utterly failed to address my pain. Furthermore, it explained why I’d experienced such pain while waiting in the emergency room.) He explained that ‘nerve pain’ was more pronounced than other pains; and he prescribed a different medication. He then released me from the emergency room. Travis wheeled me to the pharmacy to obtain nerve pain medicine; and then drove me home. I recognized that Travis had started the long day by delivering me to the emergency room; and ended by caring for me following his regular work day; finally delivering me home. I’d have been in much more serious condition had he not been there to assist me. I had a true friend in him. Upon arriving home, I immediately took my medication which was to eliminate the nerve pain and within a short time I finally received some relief from the unrelenting pain which had weakened me for days. Needing rest, I retired to bed early seeking rest from a genuinely difficult, long day.

Waiting

Realizing the medication only addressed the symptoms of the cervical failure I was experiencing; I commenced with regular treatment of the pain. I was required to take a pill every 6 hours. A delay of as much as 15 minutes would allow resumption of pain; thus, I was punctual to take the medication (day and night) on time to alleviate the pain. The swelling of my neck persisted for several weeks thereafter. The pressing of my chin against my chest also persisted and when required, I’d have to drive to medical appointments by peering from the top of my vision and through the steering wheel. Clearly, I drove only when necessary and very cautiously inasmuch as my ability was severely impaired. A week or so following my experience at the emergency room, I was notified that I’d been approved to receive a surgery to repair my spinal column. Thankful that the cause of difficulty was to be addressed; I was discouraged that an appointment to receive surgery could not be scheduled until early January – approximately 3 months hence. Many others had scheduled their elective surgeries to capitalize on their yearend limits of insurance coverage. Hence, I’d have to wait until the second week of January of the following year for repair.

Until then I’d have to limit my activities to the easy chair in which I endured. I could not participate in any activity – no work, no church, no care of the home. I had to remain seated for months to address the pain with frequent medication and suspension of any activity that might perturb my malady further. Thus, for many weeks I drove to medical appointments only. I ate little because I was not active. My sleeping habits changed dramatically due to inactivity. I found that I did not sleep in my bed because lying on my back or side perturbed my spinal column collapse. With no alternative, I simply watched TV to address boredom from my easy chair; which was the only place where I was able to endure my circumstance - as I awaited my approaching surgery. My beard, hair and toe nails grew long and I was well aware of the debilitating circumstance I was experiencing. Unfortunately, I had no choice and was fully dependent upon my patience to endure and await medical repair. Inasmuch as I was debilitated; I did not gather nor pick up any flyers or printed material left at my front doorstep. I was genuinely sedentary and certainly appeared absent from the home. Because my sleeping habits shifted, I found that I slept when needed. I’d begun to be awake during nighttime hours and daylight hours found me asleep in my chair at times. Few, if any, visited me during these months and I seldom (if ever) showed any signs of occupancy. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years came and went as if non-existent due to my confinement.

Prayer

As the date of my surgery drew near, I became much more aware of the risk involved in such a procedure. The incision was to be made in the front of my neck toward its right side. I realized that to access my spine, they’d have to circumvent my throat and wind pipe permitting breathing and anesthesia. Furthermore, they be operating directly adjacent to my Carotid and Vertebral arteries that supplied necessary blood to my brain, head, neck and spine. Finally, they’d be operating directly on the cervical vertebrae that had collapsed due to long term deterioration. Thus, the operation was involved and fraught with potential repercussions. As the night before my operation proceeded, I found myself growing particularly pensive as the late-night hours passed. I recognized that my life had come to a serious juncture that may or may not continue depending upon the success of the surgery that would soon take place. Sitting there in my now bed/chair I began to offer up a prayer wherein I sincerely addressed my Heavenly Father from the deepest recesses of my heart. Unable to kneel, I simply spoke; telling my Heavenly Father that the outward appearance of my life seemed to reflect a life in shambles. As a recipient of a cancelled eternal marriage, I considered my life severely damaged and in disrepair. As the father of six children, I’d experienced only a single visit during the most recent 5 years (Bret had visited me once with his children). I believed that I’d somehow lost the allegiance of my very own, precious offspring. I knew that my grandchildren hardly knew who I was.  Though I knew that I’d struggled for years to foster association and love; I arrived at the conclusion that my life had concluded in failure and disregard. I explained to my Heavenly Father that I’d done my best; but my efforts had been in vain. I explained that I’d learned amidst my struggles that there was no other that I loved more. I confirmed that I trusted my Heavenly Father and His Son with my very being and with whatever was to become of me. I stated that if I was to die; it would be OK. If I was to live; it would be OK. If I was to live the rest of my life impaired and dependent; it would be OK. And I knew as I said such that I sincerely meant it. There was no other that I trusted more; nor loved more. My only concern was that I be true and faithful to my God and His Son. After speaking aloud in my living room for about 20 minutes; I concluded with silent reflection and pensive submission! I simply said my life was His to do with whatever He deemed appropriate; regardless of outcome. I loved Him with all my heart and submitted my life to Him without reservation!! WHATSOEVER was no longer a hope. WHATSOEVER had become my purpose!!

Intrusion

Sitting there in the wee hours of the morning about 30 minutes later; I noticed my motion detector flood lights suddenly light up the darkness of my driveway. My chair was situated so that I could see most of my front yard and the walkway leading to my front door. Though sheer drapes kept others from peering in during daylight; I could be observed by lamplight through the sheers by night. Additionally, though shadowy by day, I could readily see through them at night. Passing cats could activate the motion detectors so I was not particularly alarmed. So, I watched the part of the driveway I could see and perhaps observe a prowling cat. To my surprise and alarm; I saw a large man about 6’ tall dart around my garage corner and proceed up my front walk to my front door. He did not notice me until he was completely revealed a few feet down the walkway. At that moment, I saw his shadowy figure (backlit by the driveway floodlights) see me; and dart to my doorway (out of direct observation). I’d seen him clearly and he’d seen me see him. We both knew he was positioned immediately outside my front doorway. Inasmuch as this occurred about 3 am; I knew that the man was there for nefarious purposes. Though hobbled by weakness in my chair; I discerned that he was there to perform a home invasion (believing it was unoccupied) and had been startled to see someone in the living room through the sheer curtains. Realizing I was in no condition to physically tangle with an intruder; and realizing he was just outside my door; I hollered “Get the gun honey” in hopes that such a person might reconsider if he thought he might be confronted. There was no sound; yet I knew he was at the door. I was silent except for the TV chatter. Then and there I was reminded of the declaration I’d made minutes before in prayer; and resolved that if this were to be the final moments of my life – then so be it! We both froze and moments passed. I’d received a visitor earlier that day and wondered whether or not I’d had the presence of mind to arise from my chair and lock the front door and screen upon my visitor’s departure. I could not remember, and I watched the door handle; listening to detect the screen opening and/or the door handle turning. Neither took place and I surmised the individual hidden in the darkness at my door was questioning his ‘next move’. After several minutes of stilled silence, I saw the man emerge and flee across my front lawn; hurdling the block wall and running down the street out of sight. His accentuated departure confirmed his primary purpose had been to invade my home without detection. Now he knew he’d been unexpectedly detected and hastily fled to avoid further detection. Relieved at his departure, I thanked my Heavenly Father for His care and slowly arose from my chair; shuffling weakly toward the front door. There, I saw that both the door and screen had been unlocked and all the intruder would have needed to affect his wicked purposes was to open the door and enter the room. He did not; but I knew I’d not have been able to resist in the slightest. I locked the doors and returned to my chair to ponder the occurrence that had just taken place.

The incision at my neck was about 3 inches long and had been made where the fold of my neck would hide it upon full recovery. I had to wear the neck brace and found it distracting while cradling my injured neck. Upon returning home, I resumed my place in my chair for a single night. Having slept soundly through the night, I slept in my own bed the next night and was extremely pleased to discover that I slept well despite the awkward neck brace. Horizonal sleep was a delightful blessing to resume. I received weekly home care visits for about 3 weeks thereafter. And when permitted, I began to walk around my block a couple of times daily to restore my strength. Observing the toll that inactivity had taken upon me, I had a barber shave my beard that had grown almost 3 inches during my confinement. My friend Travis kindly clipped by lengthened toenails and a shower (avoiding incision exposure) refreshed me such that I resumed church attendance the following Sunday. (My obvious neck brace drew a great deal of attention and I avoided it as much as possible.) Attending Stake Conference, the following week with Travis and his family had afforded me the opportunity to experience the spirit once again. Travis had kindly transported me both weeks; and I was protected from having to compress my neck to drive my car. To my surprise and dismay, I learned that the three months of inactivity while waiting for my surgery had resulted in significantly atrophied muscles. Jean confirmed my acknowledgement of need to rebuild my muscles; and I exercised myself with frequent walks around my block. I was offered physical therapy but found it insufficiently effective when compared with repetitive walks. Additionally, walks were a pleasant opportunity to escape from my self-imposed living room confinement. I found I was able to resume work approximately three weeks following my surgery. It would further accelerate my recuperation and recovery. I was to learn following my experience that the medication taken every 6 hours was an opioid; and that I genuinely risked becoming dependent upon the drug. To my amazement and delight, I never needed nor took any of the pills ever again following surgery. I’d been spared further challenge and difficulty.

Cause

Following this experience, I reflected upon and pondered regarding the deterioration of my spinal vertebra and column. I’d been told that the site of my cervical radiculopathy involved several vertebrae that had simply collapsed during my sleep of the night prior to my discovery. Reflection allowed me to surmise what had contributed to bringing about such deterioration. Decades prior, I was engaged in a racquetball contest with my son, Michael. We were matched well regarding skill and volleyed well. One particular volley went high and I stretched to reach it. In so doing, I began to lose my balance; turned backward and began to fall backward toward the front wall. Endeavoring to catch and aright myself, I continued to step backward attempting to get my feet beneath me. I was unsuccessful and finally fell backward accelerated by my attempts to catch myself. I fell on the floor in such a fashion that my back was horizontal on the court floor. However, I had fallen just as my length caused my head to strike the front wall with extreme force. The circumstance was such that my head was forced vertically against the front wall and my body was horizontal upon the court floor. Thus, my neck was virtually perpendicular to my body; strained by the forced contortion; and traumatized by the collision. I went immediately unconscious. Later, I became conscious as I observed a large black woman leaning over me. I’d been lain horizontally though I was still touching the front wall. Thankfully, she gently rested my head while we awaited the arrival of the ambulance. I was placed atop a stretcher and taken to the Arrowhead Regional Medical Center. Throwing up twice on the EMTs shoes while enroute; we surmised that a concussion was certainly evident. I was submitted for a cat scan that revealed no serious repercussions. I remember somehow that a hairline disturbance had taken place; but was not reason for concern. Michael had waited with me; and I was most concerned that he might hold himself responsible for an unavoidable accident. I was released and careful for the next couple of days. Now, approximately 20 years later the vertebrae had worn and suddenly collapsed; invoking an event that would dominate my life.