I’ve been a tease most of my life! It’s the primary way I show an individual that I love them. It does not become overemotional nor melodramatic. Yet it allows me to show those present that I’m aware of them and appreciate their being approachable and interactive. Hence, I’ve become known as the jocular uncle that seems to always have a joke or a quip to lighten the mood and lift the spirits of those present. Yet, if one were to look beyond the happy-go-lucky exterior of their ‘favorite uncle’ they’d recognize a deeply caring, hidden, multifaceted, intensely serious individual with a profound sense of eternally weighted love. Yet, I reserve such exposure to a very few whom I love more than I can say! Jay – my eternal companion was (and is) such a person! So, I teased Jay virtually all of his mortal life and continue to this very day. He is not gone to me. Rather, we are simply located in different realms at present; and I look forward to embracing my dear brother when we are reunited.

Nevertheless, I would like to relate a particular event that only Jay and I shared. (I believe it will be entertaining and also illuminate the sacred relationship Jay and I shared.) Being the firstborn of the twins; I took no particular interest in our birth order, nor some ‘supposed’ birthright. I simply viewed that I’d been in position to being born first; and that was the extent of it. Yet, somehow, I recognized that it meant something to Jay. Once, while strolling along a beach in San Diego in the twilight of the day; Jay voiced his thought to me. He contemplatively said: “I always wondered why I came in the jump seat”. Recognizing that the ‘jump seat’ was reference to the tag along seat used by commercial pilots to allow ancillary pilots to ‘catch a ride’ without displacing a ‘paying customer’ from their seat; I attempted to express how foolish I considered birth order to be and dispel any potential that Jay may have had about being born ‘last’. I believe my words fell on deaf ears; and I let the matter fade.

 Regardless, Jay and I engaged in rather challenging circumstances. Because we were internally opposites yet externally identical; we were diametrically opposed. Yet we were treated alike by all who interacted with us. Few comprehend the depth and breadth of such a condition; and I’ll not endeavor to enlighten such a challenging relationship here. Suffice it to say; it was a circumstance that permeated our relationship in a multitude of ways. Yet the love that we shared for one another was not diminished by our challenges. To those watching, the external friction undoubtedly absorbed ‘center stage’ as we interacted. Yet, if one were to observe deeply; they’d observe the love these two men shared for one another. There were a number of situations that exposed our care for one another.

For example, once while enjoying a gathering at Hugh’s house after we’d all been blessed with children of  our own; I happened to be present when Jared (Jay’s son) was struck in the mouth by one of the swings at the side of Hugh’s house. Rushing to Jared amongst his cousins and siblings, I observed his bleeding mouth and advised that he get his mother to care for him inside. Holding his undoubtedly sore mouth; he rushed inside and the remaining youth dispersed along with him. I was left alone amongst the  swing set. Being alone, I recognized how deeply I cared for Jared (and his siblings) and quietly acknowledged to myself that I cared for Jay’s children very nearly as much as I did my own! Such a realization caught me ‘off guard’ and I remained ‘out of sight’ for several minutes while I wept to myself there at the side of Hugh’s house. That was just one of the times I recognized how much I loved Jay (and therefore his family). It has not waned since his death.

Another more emotional example was amidst the divorce that was thrust upon me. Though Jay counseled me amidst my ordeal and offered me his insight; I realized that his perspective (while significant and thoughtful) was not my own. And silently I’d need to observe my own counsel and that of my Heavenly Father’s in such a serious situation. Nevertheless, such gravity did not deter Jay; and on at least one occasion he flew all the way to my southern California home simply to deliver (in person) his message. On the particular weekend in question; I’d arranged to ‘crew’ with a fellow friend on his sailboat to Catalina Island (about 28 miles offshore). Jay’s unexpected arrival allowed me to obtain such involvment for Jay also and he joined us for the Friday evening excursion. Unfamilar with ocean-going travel, Jay incurred a measure of sea sickness; and I felt for him – debilitated and curled on the bow of the ship. Yet, I knew I could provide little more than empathy and encouragement. The next morning we embarked on our return voyage to Long Beach where Jay’d be able to obtain a flight home. (We stopped at a short pier near the grassy Long Beach Arena to let Jay off.)

There on the short pier; Jay offered his message to me. He explained that the devastation that I was experiencing was affecting others. Referencing my mother, father, siblings and his own family; he explained that I’d need to somehow ‘get past’ the pain that I was experiencing. Recognizing that his own pain was evident to me (yet concealed); I was made even more aware (than previously felt) that my agony was (somehow) spilling over into the lives of my loved ones – a circumstance I’d endeavored to avoid! Jay, there on that pier, was making me unambiguously aware of such. Having taken the time and expense to deliver his message; I listened attentively to his impassioned plea to alleviate ancillary pain from others. It was then that I proclaimed my intent to my brother! I recounted the many untoward events that had been incurred by my eternal companion. Reminding him of the devastation that I was enduring even as we spoke; I then stated unequivocably that: “If this takes my very life; I’ll not turn away from my covenant with God nor my devotion to my family. I was fully prepared to sacrifice my life – if such were needed”. With that said; Jay stood somewhat taken back by the forthrightedness with which I’d pronounced my intent. We exchanged a few words following my pronouncment; and he stated that he’d need to get to the airport to obtain a flight home. He then strode to the end of the pier and across the lawn to hail a cab. As I watched my devoted brother cross the green lawn; I was poignantly reminded of the love this dear twin brother had for me! (It was there and then that I decided to ‘withdraw’ [as much as possible] from family in order to shield them from apparent distress. I was only partially successful.)

My Tease

Recognizing the great love and caring that Jay and I shared; and recognizing that I showed my love for him through incessant teasing; I am now prepared to share perhaps the greatest tease I ever invoked in Jay’s life. It took place one April 8^th (our birthday) while I was at work in the call center in Ontario where I worked. Jay had called me; and I’d excused myself from the workday tumult to enjoy the conversation midday with my brother in the nearby expansive parking lot. As we talked, we shared ‘Happy Birthday's and I reminded him that I almost never forgot his birthday. To which he good naturedly scoffed. It was then that I ventured into a more thoughtful conversation with my lifelong companion.

 “Jay”, I said, “Do you acknowledge that our parents did not know they were going to give birth to a set of twins?”

To this, Jay replied “Yes”. He then added, “What are you getting at?” (Parenthetically our mother did not know Jay was present until her doctor stated [following my birth]: “There’s another one”.) With his concurrence regarding our surprise arrival, I was then prepared to ‘set up’ the following question.

“Jay”, I continued, “Do you also acknowledge that  I was born first?”

 (Jay had an unmistakable birth mark on his butt that made mixing us up at birth impossible.”) To my second question, Jay replied “Yes” followed with a more exuberant query “Just what are you getting at?!” With the many teases I’d presented with our birthday acknowledgments over the years, Jay’d learned to be wary of me and my queries. Having now set the stage for my finale; I launched my concluding remark into the phone.

“Jay”, I questioned “have you ever contemplated or considered that?”

To this, there was an extended silence, and I concluded that he was contemplating (perhaps for the first time) the circumstances regarding our birth. Anticipating the humor that I expected to lay on my unsuspecting beloved twin; I could hardly withhold my conclusion.

“Jay”, I suggested “I’m the one they wanted!!”

To this seemingly horrible conclusion, I’d penetrated Jay’s unwarranted psychological anxiety at being born second. I’d known such for some time and knew that I could take advantage of such vulnerability. Following a long silence over the phone, Jay responded with the following-

“You are just evil!”

And with that acknowledgment; I knew I’d conducted perhaps the best tease of all upon my undeserving, psychologically exposed twin brother.  He good naturedly acknowledged my conclusion and retorted that I’d reprehensibly led him through the questions to the obvious conclusion. I told him that I loved him and that birth order meant nothing where we were considered. We parted brothers – though I later would worry that I’d ‘gone too far’ in teasing Jay.