Spanking

Inasmuch as I chose to spank my sons very seldom; spanking their rear ends occurred with relative infrequency.  Quarreling and fighting between them was by far the most challenging difficulty they might invoke.  Michael and Grant were by far my most contentious pair and frequently invoked my ire as I found myself in the role of referee; attempting to disentangle their bouts and struggles.  They seemed to be engrossed in their own part of the conflict and refused recognition as perpetrators of youthful conflict in an otherwise relatively tranquil home.  As a result of such behavior, I would verbally warn my children with increasing intensity in order to signal a forthcoming punishment. If they continued to ignore my warnings and escalate their misbehavior despite repeated warnings, a consequence would take place.  Having grown up with energetic brothers (including a twin brother) and their periodic conflicts, I knew that sons were often disposed to exercise their individual wills in order to achieve their decided upon paths.  Verbal direction, while often followed and adhered to; occasionally was subjugated to the individual desire of a given son.  Determining for themselves whether or not they would obey a stated direction; infrequently prompted a response from me.  I would verbally remind them of their assigned, expected behavior and the consequences if they chose to clearly misbehave.  I did not wish to stifle their own will!  On the other hand, I did not wish to promote obliviousness regarding their adherence to acceptable conduct.  Teaching them to balance their adventurous spirit with the constraints of proper behavior frequently invoked discussion and verbal exchange between us.  Discussions were repeated sufficiently that children knew the considerations by heart!

Nevertheless, occasion would occur infrequently wherein a child might find himself crossing the threshold and entering the realm of cautioned misbehavior.  Inasmuch as warnings without consequences reinforced inept, worthless outcomes, penalties had to be applied from time to time.  Dreading penalty, the perpetrator of misbehavior and subsequent consequence seldom acknowledged their part in invoking such punishment.  Their shortsightedness only recognized the punishment - not their invocation of such punishment - despite repeated warnings.  The enforcer was seldom recognized for his follow-through of warning and consequence.  Rather, the enforcer was labeled the ‘bad guy’ and assigned the title of parent and/or spanker to deflect attention from the perpetrator’s repeated misbehavior.  Authoritative figures have been so named since time immemorial and will likely be so named by future miscreants.

Regardless of misbehavior, I would occasionally be called upon to discipline my children.  Seeking to administrate punishment privately and shield the misbehaving child from shame and embarrassment, I would withdraw to the chair in our bedroom.  There, I would reiterate the warnings previously proffered the child, reminding them of verbal warnings they’d been afforded in place of the punishment they were about to receive.  On the side of the bed facing me, they would often sheepishly acknowledge the warnings they’d been given.  At this point, I would explain that I would have them lay across my lap in preparation to received three spankings on their clothed rear end.  (I could assure myself of reasonable discomfort if my bare hand was used to spank their protected bottom.) As they lay across my lap, I told them I would count with each swat at their bottom so they could anticipate my hand.  I then applied three swats at their bottoms.  I often felt that the preceding discussion was far worse than any physical discomfort they might’ve felt.  Following this corporal punishment, they would undergo a verbal reexamination of the appropriate behavior and an admonishment to adhere to such behavior.  Finally, the bedroom door would open and the punished child would emerge ahead of the parent.  Because such punishment was appropriately carried out in private, the opportunity to embellish and misrepresent spanking was frequently misrepresented by bystanders as abusive and/or inappropriate.  Never were their accusations inspected for inaccuracy and/or distortions.

According to the report I’d received, he’d been primed for several hours; and told to anticipate a horrific parent determined to punish a reportedly wayward son.  Both he and I had been primed and readied to deliver and receive punishment that was apparent only to the teacher and mother providing conflicting and questionable reports.  To outwardly defy their combined comprehensions (and reports) of the situation would’ve incurred a combined hostility that would still be raining down upon both our heads.  No, I would have to think ‘outside the box’ I’d been manipulated into.  I would have to carefully - yet deftly - discipline my son so as to not squelch his divine independence while simultaneously satisfying his ‘teacher’ trained mother.  I’d have to incur his own discernment of his own behavior; thereby invoking the appropriate level of discipline to his actual (not reported) behavior.  I’d need to counter the manipulation that seemed to label him as a ‘bad kid’ resulting from a single obscure happenstance.  He was not to be labeled!  He needed only be introduced to his best self!  Unfortunately, his divine introspection could only occur within the midst of confusing, adult laden, perplexity.

Recognizing that my vigorous elder child contained a sensitive, caring spirit; I immediately began to develop an approach to his discipline upon hanging up the telephone.  As I centered on the child in question and his divine spirit, I was led to consider a circumstance wherein he would discern himself accurately.  A circumstance wherein he would be served well for years to come.  As I drove home, I rested upon a situation wherein he would judge me as his parent!  A situation that I could certainly endure; and, he would be called upon to more maturely assess my behavior as his father.  As my approach clarified, it became apparent that I would request that he spank me for ‘not having taught him’ (as I should have).  Thus, the roles would be reversed and the opportunity to assess me (and indirectly himself) would be brought about.