Courtship

1974

Park Plaza

Shortly after moving to Park Plaza, I was called to be the Sunday School President and found myself sitting at the head of the branch Sunday school – a population of about 300 students each Sunday. I must admit to being somewhat overwhelmed by the responsibility to conduct Sunday School services prior to separation to individual classes. I often thought silently – “Who am I to be called to such a recognizable position? I am (and have long been) used to more ‘hidden’ callings.” Nevertheless, I served until called to be Branch Executive Secretary and later Assistant Stake Clerk. Thankfully, most of my responsibilities were easily addressed as I simply visited nearby apartments and students.

Process

During my first few months a Park Plaza I took out an attractive red-haired girl whom I was reasonably certain I could be serious with. However, we never went out thereafter and the opportunity for a lasting relationship fizzled before it began. A month or so later, I heard the advice of a General Authority regarding the challenge and process of engaging a lasting relationship that could potentially progress toward marriage. Amongst his council was procedure to use. In it, he strongly suggested that a young man pick a set of three girls that the young man admired. Then he was to prioritize these young ladies as 1st, 2nd and 3rd. Having selected and prioritized these potentialities; he was then to commence with the 1st of his choicest. If the relationship blossomed then he knew that he was proceeding with the best of those available to him. If the relationship failed; he was to proceed on with hope to the 2nd of his possibilities. It that relationship bloomed he then knew he was still proceeding with the best of those available to him. If not; he was to proceed to the 3rd choice. Always hopeful that a Celestial relationship awaited his efforts. In the event that the 3rd potentiality collapsed; the young man was directed to select another set of 3 ladies and repeat the process. Having contemplated the advice; I recognized that too many became overwhelmed as they left their scope way too broad. In short, the process made extreme sense to me!

Introduction

Prior to deploying this process however; I simply observed those about me (just like all the young men surrounding me). In fact, I remember seeing Mary once in one of our sacrament meetings. I was seated on the back row of the congregation and couldn’t see the speakers in detail from such a lengthy distance. I remember seeing her deliver a talk and thought she was rather pretty. However, I commented to a fellow observer that it was too bad she had a hair lip! It was then that he whispered to me that what I thought was an unsightly hair lip was in actuality an observable cold sore. From a distance, the abrasion was unsightly and extensive. Little did I recognize it would heal in a matter of weeks.

Experiencing no success with haphazard observation; I commenced to discreetly use the process advocated by the General Authority. I selected three lovely young ladies that I thought highly of without actually knowing them personally. I then determined to approach my 1st choice. The following day I learned she’d become engaged and that became a failed attempt. Following the process; I proceeded to approach my 2nd choice. The lady was Mary Jackson and I contemplated how I might approach her. (I was fairly confident she knew nothing of me.) A subsequent Sacrament Meeting provided an opportunity wherein I might introduce myself. I readily recognized that the chair next to where she sat was available and I sauntered amongst the rows to occupy the seat next to hers. Remaining as nonchalant as I could; I listened to the conducting authority and opened a hymnal as the opening song commenced. Sharing the hymnal with her; I froze my hand as best I could in order to avoid unsightly trembling. As we were ending the hymn; I asked who it was that I was sharing a hymnal with. She then leaned close and said ‘Mary’. Then to clarify she added ‘Mary Jackson’. I thanked her and remained painfully aloof throughout the rest of the meeting.

Becky Baker

Following Bambi’s departure from her Janitorial responsibilities at the Herbarium; she was replaced by a vivacious outgoing young lady by the name of Becky Baker. As fate would have it, my brother Jay had been dating Becky for months and was touting his seriousness toward their relationship. It was amidst this situation that I began to share my working evenings in concert with Jay’s love interest. We’d been so connected for a couple of months when the following event occurred.

Inasmuch as I was perplexed as to how to approach Mary; I confided in my female co-worker one day that I was interested in a young lady and was finding it difficult as to how to approach her. Becky displayed her interest in helping this seemingly forlorn co-ed in how to approach an interest. To this point I’d not identified the name of my target. Rather, we’d discussed a significantly delicate matter hypothetically. Inasmuch as she’d not been extremely helpful due to our hazy representation of factual circumstances; it seemed that actualities might best be introduced to our shared discussion. Finally, Becky recommended that I reveal the ladies actual name in order that she might offer more concrete directives to a more material situation. At this point, I revealed the name of the girl I was interested in - dwelling in my complex. At this, Becky exclaimed “Mary Jackson! Mary Jackson?” as if she couldn’t believe her ears. Excitedly, she burst; “She’s my cousin!” Both of us were taken by the coincidence and Becky approached me with a much firmer aggression as she took me by the hand and dragged me into a nearby office. Querying her intent; she revealed that she was going to call her that very moment. Extremely uncomfortable as to what to say and very apprehensive at such a seemingly provocative approach; I repeatedly protested and shied away from her uncompromising behavior. Though I was protesting; Becky continued dialing the phone. Upon evidencing a reply and obtaining Mary on the call; Becky shoved the receiver at me – indicating that I engage or else. Waving my hands to indicate ‘No!’, she jerked the receiver a couple of times with a determined purse of her lips indicating she’d not relent. With Becky refusing my abdication and seconds silence ticking by on the phone; I finally took the phone a greeted Mary as nonchalantly as I could muster. We spoke briefly and I asked whether she’d like to accompany me to get a root beer some time. She agreed and we arranged to meet a few days later. With that I excused myself and hung up. Becky had achieved her purpose and I had a date. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief while Becky beamed with pride at having fostered a potential coupling. She’d not leave me alone about the relationship thereafter!

A few days later, I picked up Mary at her apartment and we spent the next couple of early evening hours talking in my car at a local A&W drive-in over root beers. Taking her home later, I was neither negatively impressed nor positively impressed. Rather, I viewed the time spent as neutral and thought I’d venture another date soon. Shortly prior to our 1st date, my brother Jay took advantage of an availability in our apartment and moved in. He’d been working in the oil fields of Duchesne, Utah for a number of months. It’d been very dangerous, dirty work; and on his few visits he’d described the work. I’d been very worried regarding his well-being; but had realized my limitations and disregarded futile concern. Shortly following his arrival; Jay began to date a lovely young lady by the name of Melody in a nearby apartment. (In contrast to my shy demeanor; Jay was engaging and had dated literally hundreds of BYU co-eds. Known [to a degree] as a lady’s man on campus. Little did he know [nor was I ever to reveal to him] that Melody was my awaiting 3rd choice as candidate to date. Jay had just gotten there 1st. [A common hazard among identical twins!]) Following a follow-up date or two with Mary and the escalation of a more beneficial relationship, I finally worked up the courage to venture a single kiss on a bench outside her apartment. We’d been sitting, discussing matters and I screwed up my courage to lean over and kiss her. She seemed approving of such demonstration and I was encouraged. Nevertheless, I didn’t want to take undue advantage and following more discussion; I escorted to her door and left without additional kissing. (I knew that I wanted to respect this girl and likewise demonstrate respect for our originating relationship. I knew that I was attracted to her; but would govern our intimacy.)

Manti

A few days thereafter; I invited Mary to attend the Manti Temple Pageant on July 4th. She accepted and Jay decided to attend with us occupying my back seat with a date of his own. Little did he know; nor did I let on that I experienced significant interest in Melody also. Nevertheless, my present interest was in Mary Jackson. Prior to that day; I’d been studying in our living room desk alcove with Jay sitting nearby on our living room sofa. It was early evening and we were engaged in our regular activities. I was pursuing attention to academic pursuits; and Jay was relaxing reading a magazine. Suddenly, without provocation; I interrupted my study and stared reflectively at the alcove wall. Being impressed beyond regular thought, I recognized that I’d been enlightened with an impression that was not readily dismissed. Halting and swiveling in my chair I faced Jay and profoundly announced, “I think I’m gonna marry that girl!” Both of us were stricken by the unexpected comment and certainly its content. Flippantly, Jay queried if he’s said that. I replied “no, it was me”. To that he quipped, “Good, cuz I’m not even dating her”. Though surprising and unprecedented; I remember it’s feeling and impression.

July 4th arrived and we ventured to Manti where we parked near the temple hillside where we’d be able to enjoy the pageant. Sitting atop our blanket with snacks and drinks at hand; we waited amidst throngs so gathered. Prior to the commencement of the pageant itself; we were privileged to hear Spencer W. Kimball speak on a topic that would later be published in a pamphlet entitled “Love vs Lust”. Though the topic had been apropos for such a young crowd; we were mildly embarrassed at its content. We then watched the pageant as it was presented there on the hillside. As we drove through the night toward Provo; Mary announced her intent to relocate at the end of August to San Diego where she would pursue teaching opportunities (she was a teacher). I silently wondered how I could receive such a distinct impression only days before being informed that she’d leave the area in approximately two months. The two messages seemed very incongruent to me; and I reflected on the conundrum the remainder of our drive to Provo.

Appealing

During the subsequent weeks; I did all that I could to subtilty encourage Mary to reconsider her relocation to San Diego. While I certainly exercised no overt efforts to persuade nor cajole her intentions; I endeavored to provide a suitable alternative to her abandonment of our developing relationship. We had numerous opportunities to share heartfelt thoughts and personal feelings. I remember an afternoon as we walked throughout Wasatch Elementary’s playground directly behind our apartment complex. After a half hour or so, it began to rain and we took refuge in an entry way to the elementary school. Standing their wet and alone; I took her in my arms and planted a deep kiss on her. We talked for a few minutes longer until the rain subsided and we walked back home.

Ray Dent

Throughout my courtship of Mary; I was irritated by a fellow apartment dweller named Ray Dent. He was a blatantly rich weasel that used his parent’s money to unduly influence those with less. He purposely drove his bright red Chevrolet Corvette Stingray vehicle about to sway the hearts and minds of those who could be unduly influenced by conspicuous money. He exercised a measure of influence over Mary as he competed for her interest with easily available funds spread clearly about to aggrandize his ego and prominence. As a struggling working student with a clearly inferior Rambler Rebel; I knew that if Mary ‘threw me aside’ for Ray Dent’s noticeably opulent lifestyle – that she was not the woman for me! As time passed; I became convinced that Mary was a person of integrity and depth – an individual that would be an admirable companion and worthy representative of motherhood!

Bicknell

Amidst the weeks since her announcement to leave; I endeavored to exercise faith to pursue Mary despite the looming August 30th deadline. Mid July I was invited to accompany her to Bicknell, Utah and the homestead of her parents. In fact, we were to stay for a day or two at her grandparents – Grandma and Grandpa Allen – her maternal grandparents. Grandma Allen had been a long-time teacher in the tiny community and recently retired. Her Grandpa Allen was suffering from shingles when we visited. Mary was somewhat dismissive of him as he sat suffering in the living room. I remember her self-centered treatment of him while we visited. I enjoyed an engaging exchange with him for an hour and learned a great deal about Bicknell. Grandma Allen was particularly accommodating to me and fussed over me as we sat for dinner. She seemed to relish our company at her dinner table. While there in Bicknell; we took a walk-up a nearby street to one of her relatives. Being absent, we sat on their steps awaiting their arrival and talking. It was there that I experienced a significant increase in admiration for her. Later that evening amidst gathering twilight we walked further; approaching the home of her paternal grandmother. (Her grandfather had passed during her father’s youth.) Her aged grandmother was rocking on the front porch and we joined her for a pleasant visit in the gathering darkness and periodic streetlight. She lived alone and displayed the loneliness of a woman alone for years in a small central Utah town. Though I was only to meet her for a short time; I’ll never forget her Grandma Jackson.

Otter Creek

In late July, Jay and I decided to attempt a fishing trip to a well-known alluring body of water entitled Otter Creek Reservoir in Central Utah. It had demonstrated successful angling, and we decided to venture our skill. Inasmuch as we both were dating (He – Melody and Me – Mary) we decided to invite the girls to experience the possibility at success for themselves. Leaving early, we traveled the several hours to Otter Creek and located a suitable bank to fish from. As we were setting up our gear to commence fishing; Mary informed me that she’d begun menstruation and was without the necessary paraphernalia to care for herself. Unfamiliar and somewhat at a loss (inasmuch as we were far from a retail outlet); I informed Jay of the circumstance and left with Mary riding shotgun to locate the needed supplies. Concerned that urgency may be necessary; I searched for any kind of retailer to make such a purchase. Finally, following driving some distance; we were able to locate a small country store where Mary was able to obtain her necessities and a restroom to accommodate application. Upon return to Jay and Melody we ascertained that the lake did not provide circumstances adequate to accommodate neophyte fishermen. We fished for a short while without success and departed for home disappointed. I remember being somewhat irritated with Mary’s failure to anticipate her unique needs and her automatic transfer of her emergency to me. The excursion was to be a most disappointing outing.

Scofield

Inasmuch as I was doing all I could to encourage a lasting relationship; I chose not to let our Otter Creek excursion to dominate our involvement. Rather, a few weeks later I invited Mary to accompany me to a fishing reservoir known to offer good fishing. Inasmuch as I intended to teach her the finer points of the sport; I assisted her acquisition of a fishing license and rudimentary equipment. On the day scheduled, I picked her up outside her apartment and we drove the 73 miles to Scofield Reservoir mid-afternoon so as to offer time to instruct and fish without boring her unduly with unproductive time spent. We arrived at the reservoir at about 4 pm. Endeavoring to locate an optimal spot; we finally located an inlet about a far as one could go around the lake. Parking near the bank I donned my vest and assisted her with her gear. We then set out to walk around the inlet to offer shallow but promising waters. As we neared our intended spot; Mary announced that she’d forgotten her fishing license. Mentally estimating time, distance and costs I silently consider having her bear the brunt of her negligent oversight and simply watch me fish the available hours. Nevertheless, it was clear that a primary purpose of our trip was to introduce her and instruct her about fishing. Inasmuch as we were alone and no where near discovery; I even considered her fishing without a license. Finally, recognizing her proclivity toward exacting adherence to rule; I reloaded our gear and set out to retrieve her license. I must admit (though I never showed it) I was peeved at having to an additional 146 miles for 3 hours to simply retrieve a license she’d repeatedly been reminded to have at the commencement of our trip. I even wondered if the circumstance had been invoked by her to try my patience! Nevertheless, we made the round trip to absorb the remaining 20 minutes of daylight on the lake. Though my patience had been severely tried and I never revealed my annoyance; I remembered her carelessness.

Clark

Amidst our conversations during July and August was a lengthy disclosure from Mary about a former love interest she’d entertained for some time during her senior year at Yuma High school where she’d been a flag twirler. She’d come to admire a young church member residing in El Centro (an hour’s drive from Yuma). I only remember that his name was Clark and she’d admired him from ‘afar’ for a significant length of time. She indicated that a great many girls her age were enamored with Clark. In fact, she related that her mother had once repeated a common phrase in her presence; “All the girls liked Clark”. Such an acknowledgment indicated a significant competition among regional girls of high school age to attract Clark’s attention and interest. Such competition had even invaded adult women’s attitude as indicated by her mother’s phrase. Having myself experienced such foolishness several times during prior years; I regarded such self-aggrandizing behavior as foolhardy unrealistic elaboration slyly allowed a woman to enhance her feminine ego in the event that she attract her target’s attention – even slightly. Recognizing Mary’s proclivity to engage such tomfoolery; I endured such pursuit of feminine arrogance via association with notorious personalities as vain and misspent endeavor.  Hoping that truth and reality would invade and eventually reveal such feminine irresponsibility for what it was – incongruent with Celestial consideration; I endured such flawed behavior throughout our marriage.  Unfortunately, this seemingly subtle flaw never succumbed to absolute truth and remained despite opportunities to overcome such unrepentant wickedness.

Discussion

As the looming relationship deadline of August 30th (Mary’s announced departure for San Diego) approached; I took the opportunity to discuss it with my mother. In Salt Lake for a day; I opened the topic and discussed it with my mother (whom I’d proven worthy of trust for decades). Recognizing the impact and sensitivity of the topic we both couched our comments carefully. I even considered that I’d need to somehow preserve our relationship via long-distance communication and visits. Such a circumstance seemed drastic to both of us and I hoped (out loud) that such would not occur. Finally, we decided to ‘wait and see’ in order that possibilities could materialize and render actualities as genuine circumstances.

Whale

As August passed; Mary’s transportation suddenly disappeared. She’d been enjoying the availability of a late model sedan (referred to by her as – ‘The Whale’) lent to her by her parents. Due to circumstances; her parents had needed to reacquire the return of their vehicle and leave her without transportation. Though a sizable, gas-guzzler; she’d used it for the school year and become dependent upon it. With its disappearance; she faced a significant dilemma inasmuch as she’d worked in an elementary school in Mapleton for many months and employed it to commute daily. (I’d even attended one of her class presentations one day.) Inasmuch as she hoped to replace her vehicle with a purchase; and inasmuch as she knew little regarding vehicle maintenance; and inasmuch as I’d be able to help; I accompanied her one Saturday to consider a replacement. A brief discussion regarding her ‘hoped for’ replacement centered around her desire for “a blue one” when queried about type, age, condition, etc. of her desired replacement. Recognizing her extreme inability to seriously engage a used replacement; I eventually offered her the use of my car to commute to work. I was not using the car during the day and silently thought that a delay until other considerations (like marriage) might materialize and warrant regard. Upon agreement; the sharing of my car commenced immediately!

Queen

Toward the end of August; I arranged to take Mary on another date. In order to avoid a theater experience wherein our focus would’ve been upon the screen and not each other; I drove us up Little Cottonwood Canyon to the Snowbird ski area. Inasmuch as the summer had exposed the lush slopes, we took a short hike above the resort (beneath the lifts). There we were able to engage in additional conversation and get to know one another deeper. As we trekked along paths worn into the ski slope; Mary asked me a question I’d not considered much before. She asked me how I felt about my mother! Recognizing her question was a thinly veiled attempt regarding the relationship between her ‘boyfriend’ and his mother; I continued my walk while contemplating the question. Following a few silent steps as she awaited my reply; I proffered my response. (In the silent moments I was summarizing my perception of Mom.) “She’s a Queen” was my summarized response without elucidation. We continued our walk and I perceived that my reply had struck deeply. I left well-enough alone. Yet in my vocal answer; I’d acknowledged to myself what I thought of my mother! And she still is!!

Nebo

As our relationship progressed and the August 30th ‘deadline’ loomed; I arranged to take Mary on a road trip that I thought would be entertaining and beneficial to both of us. It encompassed a traversal of the Mt. Nebo Loop to the elevated climes of Mt. Nebo and a picnic amongst its alpine meadows. Driving from Mona; up the canyon and onto the Nebo Loop Road we commenced our picturesque drive toward the summit. There near the summit we took a short jaunt to a nearby meadow and spread our blanket for a pleasant wild-flower picnic. Considering we were alone in a romantic setting; I was tempted to engage in romantic entanglement; nevertheless, I found that my respect for Mary superseded my yearning and we simply enjoyed the atmosphere and private conversation. Following our picnic; I simply drove us off the mountain into Payson and home.

Trickery

Amidst the many dates and excursions, we enjoined; there were numerous opportunities for interaction. One particular event springs to mind. Inasmuch as Jay was one of my roommates at this time; we were recognized for out identical appearance among the ward members of our complex. One particular afternoon; as I was judiciously studying at our living room alcove desk; a knock announced itself at our door. Jay, being available at the time; answered the door to find Mary there. She greeted Jay by name; expecting a greeting and entry. Jay simply dropped his head and muttered, “Oh Mary, not you to” in a despondent and accusing tone. I witnessed all of this as I remained alert at the desk. To this veiled accusation of failed recognition; Mary was momentarily shocked that she may have fallen prey to a common failed recognition among identical twins – and therefore failed intimacy. Pausing only momentarily, she rejected Jay’s complaint and pushed past him toward out living room where she confirmed his tomfoolery. Confirming her automatic recognition of me; she turned on Jay and good-naturedly protested his use of natural circumstance to feign disappointment. She likewise chided me for permitting such angst. Both Jay and I enjoyed a good laugh; as Mary presented her purpose for visiting us that afternoon.

Wilkinson Center

It was not uncommon for me to take a comfortable seat in the restfully accommodated Wilkinson Center as I spent hours studying. Hence for Mary to locate me there amongst many students likewise relaxing; was not uncommon. One particular event stands out as controversial. We’d been seeing one another for quite some time. In fact, occupying my car during her working hours helped define why I was still at the Center into the night. Sitting in an overstuffed chair; Mary finally approached with a greeting and an apparent expectation that I ‘hop to’ in order to not delay her any more than her delivery of my car to me would incur. Silent acknowledging her evidentiary rush to proceed with her intended pursuits; I gathered my books and caught up to her as we exited the Wilkinson Center. As we hurriedly crossed the lobby and exited into the brisk fall night; she walked about 25 steps ahead of me. As I descended the 2 or 3 steps I became irritated that I’d been treated as a nuisance she was obligated to retrieve from distracting circumstances. I took offence at being treated so inconsiderately and called out to her well ahead; approaching my car in the parking lot. I voiced my disdain at being so impolitely treated; and stated I’d not been so callously treated before. She stopped as if shocked by my eruption with nothing to say. I explained that I’d gone to significant effort treat her respectfully and did not consider her requirement for me walk dutifully ’20 feet’ behind her as even remotely appropriate. She absorbed my irritation as if it had caught her ‘off guard’ and accepted it as probably warranted. We then walked aside one another to the car. Because she treated the event as a compulsory tirade from her boyfriend; I did not readily recognize any forthcoming effort for her to rectify such unsuitable behavior. I simply endured such periodic repetitions!

Cake

Probably the most meaningful dispute Mary and I experienced during our courtship occurred on Sunday. She’d relocated from her Park Plaza apartment to a multiplex with 5 roommates near campus. I’d scheduled to pick her up one Sunday morning in order to visit with my parents in Taylorsville. Jay had decided to accompany us inasmuch as he could catch a ride with Mary and I. Upon arrival at Mary’s apartment Jay and I were confronted with a scribbled note on her door, informing us that she’d opted to attend a ward function; and that I’d need to await her arrival over an hour later. I was incensed at her cavalier attitude assuming that Jay and I had nothing to do but await her ‘gracious and generous’ presence in order to conduct our previously agreed upon trip to Salt Lake. I waited but a few minutes; becoming angrier as I waited. Finally, I announced to Jay that I would wait no longer for such a self-possessed girl. At that moment; I did not care whether our relationship continued or not. In fact, I was inclined to remove myself altogether from her presence and behavior. Nevertheless; as I responded to her call a few hours later; I confirmed that I’d carried on to Salt Lake without her. She seemed to convey surprise that I’d disregarded her pompous requirement and left her to ‘stew’ in her behavior. I was not apologetic during our call and fully expected then an end to our relationship when next I saw her. Following a visit with parents and siblings; Jay and I drove home to Provo. I decided I needed to confront Mary concerning the events of the day and drove to her apartment that evening. Greeted at her door by a roommate; I was invited in and stood amongst the roommates anxious that a quarrel might erupt in their presence. Mary then rounded her kitchen wall carrying a cake. Expecting anger (or at least tears) I was taken back by her calm, diplomatic reaction to our confrontational phone call earlier. She welcomed me in; inviting me to sit at her table and received a piece of cake and glass of milk. Bewildered, I accepted her offering; sitting with this amiable girl. Unable to fathom the change, I queried as to what was taking place (alluding to our prior event and subsequent call). She explained that she’d been rather upset and called her mother. Presenting the circumstance and announcing her absolute confusion and quandary. Her mother had calmed her and then recommended she bake a cake and employ it to diffuse the contention evident between the two of us. Accepting her explanation and behavior softened the disagreement and we departed with our relationship intact.

Familiarity

As the August 30th ‘deadline’ neared; our relationship had intensified and deepened. We’d spent the past months in numerous circumstances fostering understanding; we’d now become interdependent with the daily sharing of my car; and we’d permitted our familiarity to develop. Working in the administration building; my office there became a hub of interaction as she dropped me off in the early morning prior to her daily commute to her Mapleton teaching workplace. Inasmuch as we both pretty busy with our obligations – me with schooling and work – she with her teaching; we took advantage of the few minutes available prior to her dropping me off. We spent a few minutes parked outside the building entrance ‘steaming up the car’s windows’ in the morning cold. We both used the few minutes to enhance our familiarity of one another and deepen our commitment to one another. I recognized fairly quickly that I’d have to govern the level of intimacy engaged. Mary’s surrender to intimate performances was increasingly passionate and yielding. Though flattered; I recognized that I’d need to regulate the depth of our intimacy and familiarity. I did not want to incur a disrespect or disregard for her! Hence, I (unexpectedly) cut short our morning episodes to preserve a mutual respect as we ventured forward in our relationship. I never thought I’d be the one to govern our intimacy; but I nevertheless did.

Deadline

Finally, the ‘deadline’ of August 30th lay days away and I’d grown anxious and trepidatious regarding her intent. She’d not ‘let on’ regarding her intention and I recognized a departure would’ve been devasting. Nevertheless; her agency needed to be respected regardless of impact. I’d need to exercise faith in the impression I’d received while at our living room alcove a couple of months earlier! It was most challenging and tenuous for me as I silently awaited her now decision. The day before the ‘deadline’ she requested that I meet her at the bench outside her apartment door. It was here that Mary delivered her decision to me. Though much was said; I heard but one phrase: “I’ve decided that the relationship we’ve developed warrants that I stay here to see where it will go!” Her departure had been delayed in order to permit an observation and development we as yet only begun. I was ecstatic and virtually ‘skipped’ to work immediately following her delivery to me. I’d remained true to the impression received and its potential had not been thwarted  - regardless of announced objective on the drive home from Manti.

Dad

Upon Mary’s determination to remain in Provo; our relationship experienced a deepening commitment. Shortly following her decision; her parents came to visit her at Park Plaza. As such; I was invited to meet her father one evening. As I was ushered into her living room; I saw an elderly man sitting on her sofa. Standing to shake my hand he announced himself as “the party of the 1st part” with a friendly, gracious smile and warm handshake. Taking his queue; I introduced myself as “the party of the 2nd part” acknowledging that we were both party to Mary’s desire and requirement to meet. Not knowing exactly what we were to achieve; we conversed about newsworthy topics and ancillary matters. I almost immediately liked Ernest as he made it easy. He treated me with respect and regard without anticipated inspection nor judgement. Such regard for her father made acceptance of Mary so much easier and rewarding. Interaction with her meddlesome, controlling mother was not to be as pleasant. Over the ensuing years, I would come to recognize her mother’s subtle control of their children and her nonconfrontational (yet significant) subterfuge. I never felt as comfortable with her and was always aware of her judgmental temperament toward me (and I suspect others).

Proposal

I don’t remember the exact date; but somewhere in late September Mary and I had traveled to Salt Lake to visit my parents. We’d not planned anything special; we’d intended to visit Mary’s good friend and former roommate -Ellen. Thus, following a couple of hours with Mom and Dad; we left to visit Ellen who now lived with her parents along the east bench of valley. Ellen invited us both in to visit and enjoy a few hours together. I knew Ellen and likewise enjoyed her company.

However; inasmuch as I was significantly distracted by serious thoughts of proposal; I was not as contributory to our conversations as was customary. Somewhat absorbed in my own thoughts; both at my parent’s house and then Ellens; Mary detected my self-absorption and erroneously deduced that I was either ill or dissatisfied with our relationship. Our drive home later that evening seemed to reinforce her concern as we drove into a backyard parking area of her apartment. There in the darkness of evening Mary sat beside me as we lingered in the car. Mary then commenced to comment on my distant behavior throughout the day. Initially, she queried as to my health. Being calmed about that; she then suggested I might not be satisfied with our relationship and proposed we might sever our association to see other people. I was flummoxed by such a proposal and responded impatiently that I did not want to sever our relationship at all! Then; calming myself; I explained that I’d been engrossed in thought throughout the day in contemplating proposing to her. I then added: “Which is what I’m doing now.” She asked for a reiteration of my statement and I formalized my proposal. “Mary, will you marry me?” To this proposal she immediately responded “Yes”.

I then exclaimed that her answer was quick; asking why so readily answered. To this she replied that she’d been contemplating marriage to me for about a week and was merely offering me the opportunity to ‘break up’ if such were troubling me throughout the day.

I then suggested we might keep our engagement private for about a week. (I didn’t know why.) The privacy of our engagement would last but a couple of days.

Commitment

Approximately a week prior to our actual marriage date of December 20th,1974; Mary and I were driving around the Provo/Orem area in order to complete some final reception details. Involved in some ridiculous dispute regarding detail; Mary voiced that she was experiencing some misgivings regarding our marriage! This indecisiveness triggered alarms in myself; and I pulled into a parking space behind some nearby apartments. Shutting off the car; we sat their virtually alone with her comment hanging in the air between us. Gravely concerned at her expressed pause; I commenced to represent our circumstance in very certain terms.

• I declared that we were within a single week of entering into a most solemn covenant with our God. That such a covenant was never to be broken nor set aside.
• I reminded her that if we were to cease progress toward such an event that such would be most difficult. That we’d have to report and rescind such anticipations to all invited guests. (Invitations had been sent.) I explained that each of us would undergo significant emotional pain and turmoil should our marriage be called off.
• I nevertheless reminded her that if we were to halt the marriage on “this side of the ceremony” (meaning prior to covenanting) our lives would be overwhelmed by tumult, doubt and distress. However; I reminded her that if there were to occur a severance of marriage on ‘the other side of the ceremony” (meaning after covenanting) many lives would be even more seriously harmed.
• I then explained that not only our own lives would be forever harmed; but our children, grand-children; and entire posterity would be eternally harmed.
•  I presented that I loved her and was committed to the coming marriage; but was unable to prepare in faith and conviction if she were not equally committed to our marriage and life together.
• Finally, I disclosed that while we can discuss these things for hours and days; there was no getting around a declaration of devotion and commitment. Though I’d not anticipated such a significant conversation upon waking that morning; I recognized that the time had come! I declared unequivocally that I was fully committed to our covenant and marriage; but if there were to be a termination to our relationship; let it take place then and there!! I then queried; “Are you in or not?” as if to mean “Is their conviction and commitment in your soul or not?”
• I then turned the conversation over to Mary for her to express herself in any way she might choose. Following a significant pause; she quietly responded: “I’m in.”
• Not wanting to overwhelm her; I accepted her answer and proceeded on with our errands.