Divine Help

Inasmuch as significant events had been discovered regarding Mary’s fidelity prior to the announcement of what would eventually be Kevin’s conception, gestation and delivery; doubt surrounded his parentage! Faced with a thought I’d never considered possible; pause and concern were amplified by Mary’s decision to remove the baby from the man she asserted was the baby’s father. She’d been discovered only weeks earlier having entertained infidelity with the father’s best friend. Though enduring severe offense at her manipulative extortion; I recognized a distinct need for divine help in properly addressing the extreme and eternal nature of the circumstance I found myself in desperate circumstances. Fasting and prayer were absolutely necessary to divine the proper response to deeply unsettling conditions.

Trust

It is appropriate that the issue of trust be addressed here. As any married individual will attest; trust is the foundation of the marital relationship. With trust - communication can be absolute, emotional bonds can flourish, confidence can solidify and interdependence can deepen. Undoubtedly trust provides a necessary foundation to a marital bond that can (and often does) materialize as unbreakable.

But what materializes when reason is given to believe that such a trust has been violated? Such a failure penetrates every element of trust that had been erected prior to the violation. While high-mindedness would prefer that such betrayal of trust would be afforded forbearance; such is usually a mere superficial, insubstantial counterfeit of the trust previously enjoyed. The betrayed longs for the prior trust and seeks to assuage the pains now imposed by the abandonment of trust. The betrayer longs for the prior trust also and seeks to mitigate the damage such betrayal has summoned. Nevertheless, suspicion, skepticism, and doubt supersede the previous bond and distrust raises its hoary head to every need for trust.

Despite assertions to the contrary; it is virtually impossible for a man to know that a conceived child is his. The biology of such circumstances imposes such constraint. The woman is assured knowledge of the possibilities a conception could take place because it is absolutely necessary that she be physically in attendance when such a conception occurs. Of course, should a woman engage in such activity more than once during a given period with multiple men – even she may only know which men may be candidates regarding the parentage. The actual father can only be scientifically determined by DNA examination in our present day.

Conversely, inasmuch as a man cannot (realistically) monitor the complete whereabouts of a wife; he must rely on the trustworthiness of his wife. If a wife is absolutely trustworthy, there exist virtually no doubt that a given child is his. However, it a wife has given cause for distrust – doubt, skepticism and suspicion are invoked upon announcement of a conception.

Parenthetically, parallel circumstances exist for the husband also. Trust of him and his activities are his requirement also.

Thus, Trust is vital to a marital relationship and unequivocable.

Trust Abandoned

Inasmuch as I’d already experienced the announcement and subsequent birth of five children; I was very aware of the practice, manner and development involved. Having always experienced trust previously; I unquestioningly trusted that all five children were certainly mine and I embraced each as genuine gifts of God. The consideration that such would be otherwise had never even entered my mind!

However, circumstances arose wherein Mary’s extramarital relationship was revealed to me. When confronted with the truth, Mary confessed that she’d intended to lie and deceive me. But the spirit of truth was palpable amidst her confrontation and she could not! Nevertheless, she confessed to gross marital infidelity and she additionally confessed to her intent to cover such behavior with deceit. Considerable turmoil followed thereafter and distrust of her commitment invaded our relationship.

Amidst such upheaval, suspicion and doubt; Mary announced to me (under manipulative circumstances) that she was pregnant. Inasmuch as mistrust surrounded Mary resulting from her confession and efforts to manipulate; and inasmuch as there’d been but a single opportunity between us for conception; and inasmuch as at that single opportunity she’d assured me that conception was impossible – doubt arose within my mind. Though I acknowledged her assertion at her announcement; I worried that her assertion had been calculated and manipulative. Shortly thereafter she determined to separate our family and divorce me.  Stricken by such developments and overwhelmed; I wondered what could possibly be taking place in Mary’s mind that she would not recognize the extremity of her actions nor did she acknowledge her intent to undermine the family we’d brought to pass. Such extremes caused me to further question the validity of her assertion regarding Kevin’s parentage. I wondered why she could not seem to perceive the fundamental wickedness of her design. Nevertheless, I was required by her secular domination to succumb and Kevin was born.

Decision

Prior to Kevin’s birth amidst months of fasting, prayer and contemplations; I’d concluded that (regardless of needed confirmations of Kevin’s legitimacy) the child would be mine!  I was well aware of the challenges and obligations that would accompany such responsibility. Nevertheless, the child (whether boy or girl) would need and be blessed as an accepted member of the Davis Family. I knew that the child would be born in a deeply difficult circumstance that would already tug at its elbow all the days of its life. I could not nor would not be party to such a bequest. I was secularly bound to Mary’s insinuation as she remained severely reticent to any better possibility! Though suspicion and hesitation accompanied Kevin with his birth; I decided I would accept him as my own regardless of the additional twenty years of child-support I would be subject to. I decided that the growing acceptance of his siblings would engender valued comradery. Their comradery would take precedence over my fatherhood because I would sacrifice without their knowledge nor recognition. Though the child would be kept from me throughout life by nefarious conspirators and deceivers; I would endeavor to do all I could to foster warmth and acceptance as a valued son! He would be subjected to a counterfeit, secularized father while I would endeavor to have a Celestial influence when afforded a curbside association over his years. Regardless of my endeavors to protect and contribute to the well-being of five other children who’d been saddled with the needs of a divided, contentious family; righteousness overrode personal sacrifice; and I would endeavor to do the same for the youngest child – regardless of difficulty or offense of those perpetrating such a dastardly performance. In order to protect them from the ugly reality they would inherit; it was clearly necessary for me to withhold the truth of such demonized undertaking – lest they surmise such as they matured. Hence, I’ve kept such within my own soul for many decades. Such has not been easy!

Miracle

Inasmuch as I’d need to keep such truths to myself, I recognized that Kevin would experience suspicions (though difficult to fully comprehend as a young child) and I did my best to treat this young boy with tenderness and care. Nevertheless, I worried that my suspicion was detectable by this delightful boy. Endeavoring to cover the truth of his early life (which I hasten to add was not his fault. Rather his circumstance had been imposed upon him and me by his mother; and she’d be needed by him during his formative years); I did many of the things a father would do (given the difficulty of his separation from me at birth and distant relationship).

Nevertheless, one average day, I was to experience a miracle that confirmed and released me from suspicion thereafter. To my surprise and delight, this experience took place approximately eight years later – a miraculous confirmation that would allay any concerns I might’ve had – FOREVER! As Kevin was visiting my home one weekend alone, we had seized upon the occasion one evening to be talking.  I was in my easy chair and Kevin, being ~7, was sitting on my sofa opposite me.  The late afternoon was gathering and we had only a few lights on in the evening twilight.  Amidst our unremarkable conversation; the miracle took place!  As we calmly conversed across from one another; his image suddenly, drastically changed before my very eyes.  His appearance was a distinct and recognizable manifestation of me when I was about his age. While I could still see Kevin clearly; the image of me was superimposed over him. And though I’d never necessarily seen a picture of myself alone (being a twin, most pictures of me included my twin brother Jay); the knowledge that the superimposed image was me somehow accompanied the vision and was communicated to me such that I readily recognized the manifestation - deeply.

The demonstration of his transfiguration before my very eyes was not brief. Rather, it took place for as many as 30 – 35 seconds.  I even shook my head as if to confirm to myself what I was seeing.  Finally, as that ‘voice you feel’ confirmed his parentage, I knew for a certainty that he was, indeed, mine!  Knowledge of that event would never leave me and I finally knew without a shadow of doubt that Kevin was in actuality mine!  The doubt that had plagued me since Mary’s announcement and assertion years earlier – had vanished.  Though I’d been affected by the doubts of those previous years, I thanked my Heavenly Father for his mercy to both Kevin and myself regarding his parentage and ancestry!

Not only did I observe the initiation of this ‘mantle’ of myself enveloping my son; but I also observed its termination – returning my vision to the ‘normal’ observation of his being.  Hence, the contrast between the ‘mantle’s’ presence and absence was and is a distinct acknowledgement of its authenticity. Returning to normalcy afforded discernment of difference!

Doubt

Now lest some disparage such doubt; they are reminded of the circumstances that invoked such doubt! 

• Mary announced her pregnancy only weeks following her confession of extramarital affair with my best friend and church authority – Ron Curl. The man she’d been seeing – frequently, alone, in our home, while I was at work. The man she continued to see despite my counsel otherwise!

• Amidst that confession (brought about through my prayer and fasting) - she also confessed that she’d intended to deceive me; but could not due to a preponderance of spiritual presence!

• She manipulated her announcement so as to conceal doubt-producing query.

• Shortly following her announcement; she announced her separation – removing all children from their father – including the developing child she asserted to be the father’s!

• She invoked and supported disparagement of the father purporting her pregnant condition and mother of five as she permitted and even endorsed a presumed justification from others for such a drastic deed.

• She fostered condemnation of the father amongst associates by insinuating (as a result of her extraordinary theatrics) justification for her drastic behavior. She invoked such significance from superficial onlookers despite: 
  • Her husband’s endeavors to endure her deep betrayal of her covenanted vows
  • Her husband’s sincere efforts to protect their children from devastating exposure to her infidelity
  • Her husband’s endurance of separation and subsequent divorce – his exclusion from his own children located in a separate state
  • Her husband’s endurance of betrayal of wife and best friend through their surreptitious conspiracy – concealed from discovery

I hold that doubt amidst such severely extreme, radical circumstances would invoke doubt among most (if not all) husbands and fathers!

• Such doubt was proven as she and her co-conspirator brought the conclusion of their veiled plan as they remarried very shortly following Ron’s divorce decree from his prior wife and family!

Discernment

From a devotional address entitled ‘Quick to Observe’ given at Brigham Young University on May 10, 2005; Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles provided:

“Quick to observe" is an antecedent to and is linked with the spiritual gift of discernment”. It is “a light of protection and direction in a world that grows increasingly dark”. It assists an individual to “not be deceived with the sophistries of the world”. “We ought to be grateful every day of our lives for this sense which keeps alive a conscience which constantly alerts us to the dangers inherent in wrongdoers and sin.” “President Cannon taught; it is also about discerning things as they really are …”. “You and I can press forward safely and successfully through the mist of darkness (as referenced in 1 Nephi 8:23) and have a clear sense of spiritual direction. Discernment is so much more than recognizing right from wrong. It helps us distinguish the relevant from the irrelevant, the important from the unimportant, and the necessary from that which is merely nice.

The gift of discernment opens to us vistas that stretch far beyond what can be seen with natural eyes or heard with natural ears. Discerning is seeing with spiritual eyes and feeling with the heart—seeing and feeling the falsehood of an idea or the goodness in another person. Discerning is hearing with spiritual ears and feeling with the heart—hearing and feeling the unspoken concern in a statement or the truthfulness of a testimony or doctrine. President Boyd K. Packer, Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, has said, “If all you know is what you see with your natural eyes and hear with your natural ears, then you will not know very much.” “President Stephen L Richards (1879–1959) has said, the highest type of discernment is that which perceives in others and uncovers for them their better natures, the good inherent within them”.

Conclusion

At the beginning of her pregnancy, Mary had revealed that the baby’s due date was December 20th; and I immediately recognized the extreme coincidence of the baby’s expected arrival to occur on the very anniversary of our union.  I also recognized that despite its perplexing conception, the baby’s expected arrival date would be twelve months to the day of the previous wedding anniversary. It was an arrival date that should’ve been prominent in the mind of its expectant mother! It was an arrival date that would coincide exactly with her commencement of the destructive turbulence she’d invoked the previous December 20th (see Dissolution, Dinner, December 20, 1986).  It was an arrival date taking place on the exact thirteenth anniversary of our eternal union.  I wondered what could possibly be taking place in Mary’s mind that she could not (or would not) recognize the extreme significance of that date – its only significance would be to the two of us – no one else!  Nobody else we knew recognized the significance of that particular date!  I watched and anticipated that she would come to recognize and acknowledge the correlation of the baby’s due date with our eternal marriage.  If it ever did, I was never made aware of her recognition regarding the significance of that particular date.  (And I never saw any recognition of its significance throughout the nine months of pregnancy.)  Hoping that somehow, she’d come to her senses and recognize that day, I remained silent hoping to respond to her belated recognition! Even with my presence and help with her delivery of Kevin (invoked two days early by her requested induced delivery), she did not express any recognition of the significance of the date. 

Never!

Summarization

My relationship with Kevin has experienced struggles as we’ve both endeavored to endure the difficulties and circumstances of an imposed distant relationship. Nor has the context into which he was born ever been properly revealed to him. Hence, we both wrestle to endure a father-son relationship encumbered by the need to shield his tender soul from the ugly setting into which he was ushered. And while such encumbrance has sheltered him from truths that would’ve caused him harm and struggle during formative years; they’ve no doubt engendered stress and unease as he’s matured to adulthood. Nevertheless, were I to experience the situation again; I’d assure his protection and preservation as an infant, toddler, child, adolescent and adult – because I love him! By far, the most difficult thing I’ve ever been called upon to do during my entire mortal existence has been to surrender my beloved son out of concern for his well-being to those who’d done and do me such horrendous harm! I hope such sacrifice may someday be appreciated!