Inasmuch as my wife had relocated to her parent’s home (in Yuma, Arizona) and taken my children with her, I’d been rather distraught over the disturbing developments that had preceded her drastic, unconscionable and distressing separation. Just a month or so earlier, amidst our vacation at my parent’s home in Utah; she’d privately sought out and expressed deep, heartfelt gratitude to my father at having raised such a good son. Furthermore, she’d expressed considerable appreciation regarding my righteous family leadership interwoven in her address to our church stake. 

(She’d presented a talk in our stake conference adult session just weeks earlier. Amidst that talk, she intentionally pointed out my righteous leadership as patriarch in our family. So much so, that as a member of the audience; I was mildly embarrassed at such explicit accolades. She told me later that evening that our stake president had expressed being impressed by my wife’s talk and even more at her husband.)

Her behavior had been exceptionally bizarre just prior to her confession of her ‘romantic involvement’ with my best friend, Ron Curl. Her behavior had become even more severely contradictory to her spoken and demonstrated behavior upon discovery of her infidelity. Such behavior had invoked an anxiety in me that I’d never before experienced; and I responded with even deeper prayer; seeking spiritual insight. It was not entirely unusual that I would get up in the middle of the night (because I couldn’t sleep and wander our neighborhood endeavoring to know what to do to thwart the conspiratorial union that had invaded our relationship and family!)  Such devoted desperation continued with all the faith I possessed right up to the day I’d acquiesced to transport herself and my children to Yuma. (A most distressing experience!!)

Now, weeks following that day, the actual separation had brought me severe anxiety at the mere thought of a divided family. Since their separation, I’d been exercising every bit of faith I could muster toward some kind of spiritual intervention that would reunite our family. Such anxiety (amidst regular work duties) had taken its toll on me physically as well as spiritually. Generally, I’d get between two and four hours of sleep a night, spending the rest of the night pondering, praying and crying.  Then, exhausted, I’d ‘clean up’ and go to work for another day.  Though I’d experienced much derision at the hands of my eternal companion, I loved my family and was devasted at their leaving. Though I did not know how long I could ‘keep up’ such an exhausting demand; I knew that I would not, could not abandon my wife and children to a destructive dominance that seemed to exert such an influence over my eternal companion. Though separated by state line, I was eternally joined with her regardless of secular separation or threatened divorce.

Upon arriving home from work the evening of September 1st, 1987; I checked the mailbox and found notification from Mary that she intended to carry through with her divorce and that it would be just a matter of time before the divorce would take place.  I’d hoped that she would return to her senses and reunite along with our children.  With her correspondence in hand, I realized it was not to be.  Desperate, I didn’t know what to do.  Finally, I concluded that her sister, Joanne, might be able to help. So, I drove to her home in Sierra Madre, California.  Having never been there before, I finally located her address and realized she was not at home.  Inasmuch as it was early evening, I decided to wait until she arrived home from work.  She did; and approaching her as she was entering her home, she graciously invited me in.  I explained her sister’s intent to divorce and asked if there was anything she could do.  I was genuinely desperate.  Speaking with me briefly, I recognized her tone and demeanor was very condemnatory towards me. Surprised at her unwarranted attitude, I finally excused myself and arose from her couch.  Attempting to defend myself against what appeared to be familial loyalty and contemptuous character assassination; I stated, “I’m not the man you think I am”. In stating such, I quickly realized that my statement had been abbreviated and condensed in order to minimize any contention that had been inadvertently invoked by my unannounced presence in JoAnne’s home.  I recognized that she may have taken my statement as a confession of misdeeds.  It was not!  It was intended to reveal that I’d protected Mary’s infidelity.  However, an opportunity to explain further was not forthcoming and I did not want to give any of Mary’s family the opportunity to condemn me further.

Departing Joanne’s I recognized that darkness had fallen; therefore, I drove straight home inasmuch as I would have to work the next day.  Upon arriving home, I walked past a mirror in the living room. Glancing at my reflection, I was taken back by what I saw.  My face was profoundly ashen - the color of grey ash; and I realized the events of the evening combined with the notification were taking a very real toll on my person. Knowing I was stressed; I examined myself and realized I was in deeper trouble than I had previously considered. I immediately called my Elder’s Quorum President for a blessing.  Nearing ten o’clock when he and his counselor arrived; I briefly described my circumstances and concerns.  Pronouncing a blessing upon me, they left (inasmuch as there was little else they could do).  Feeling a little better (but still experiencing an ashen complexion), I prepared for another short sleep and long night of crying.  As I prepared to rest and cognizant of my apparent condition; I realized for the only time in my life that I did not care at all whether I lived or died.  It had been a most strenuous evening; and death seemed to be an acceptable recourse to me.  I went to bed not caring at all whether I lived or died during the night. Exhausted, I fell asleep almost immediately.

In the wee hours of that night, I must’ve startled awake; because I immediately observed a conduit of light (approximately 6 inches in diameter) at the center of my chest as I lay on my right side (on the right side of the bed).  The conduit of white light had a very, very slight bluish hue.  I could only perceive about two feet of its length extending from my chest.  I did not; and somehow knew I could not perceive its source; inasmuch as I did not discern it beyond its length from my chest. The light was not foreboding nor menacing in any way. Rather, I quickly comprehended that something extraordinary was happening to me. In the split second that followed, I did not experience any influence at all. The light was simply present as I’ve described. At that moment, the light entered my being with such purifying strength that it compelled me to roll over onto my back; and I lay staring at the ceiling. I immediately perceived the light (which I could no longer see; but I was very aware of its influence as I felt it’s flow) was now filling my body with blessed and sanctifying presence. As it flowed into my being at my chest, it flowed (as if it were water) throughout my chest, abdomen and head cavities. I somehow perceived that the influence was of a divine nature! It was of such delightful influence and effect that I immediately began to thank God and Jesus Christ for the presence that was now filling by soul - both body and spirit! I could feel (though I still cannot describe how I knew) that the presence of this influence was displacing the darkness (which was almost tangible) that I could now perceive had previously occupied my person (the contrast between darkness and light was now obvious).  While expressing my gratitude with heartfelt devotion, the light continued to fill my soul (all the while displacing the darkness). Like water flowing throughout by body, the light continued displacing the darkness and residing thereafter in my soul. This process continued for ~25 seconds as it completed its displacement of darkness even through the hands, fingers, feet and toes of my extremities. Where the darkness went, I cannot say. I only knew it had been displaced by light. During the entire time of this process, I had been thanking my Heavenly Father and His Son for the genuinely delightful experience I was being privileged to have. As the influence reached my extremities, the experience came to an end. With the experience now sublimely subsiding, I nevertheless continued to express gratitude until I believed I had become so repetitive as to appear insincere. Recognizing that the experience had concluded, I rolled back onto my side and returned to sleep.

It is interesting to note that prior to this experience, I’d not been able to get more than 2, 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night (for many preceding months). I would then be distraught, crying until morning and then arising for work. Immediately following this event, I slept for the entire night and through the entire night thereafter. I can only say that the blessed experience had influenced me such that I was no longer extremely distraught and my need for rejuvenating rest was no longer invaded. I’d not experienced a restful night’s duration since discovering my wife’s infidelity the previous December (~9 months).

The following day I decided to take the day off from work and reflect concerning what had taken place during the night (the bluish light) and previous day (wife’s intention to divorce). After pondering during the morning hours, I determined to attempt to thank the Elder’s Quorum President for responding to my request for a priesthood blessing. (Knowing he worked out of his home, I hoped he would be home to received my thanks.) Driving to his home, I was greeted favorably and invited into the living room where he and his wife received me. Amidst what turned out to be simple exchanges of gratitude, I became aware (though I did not express such) that I comprehended more and more readily than previously experienced. As our conversation delved deeper into spiritual elements, I privately recognized that I was significantly more aware of ‘things’. Such awareness was not only about the elements that we were distinctly discussing; but additionally, about doctrines and principles that were not being expressly considered. As our conversation began to close, I privately became significantly more aware that I was able to comprehend and contemplate spiritual considerations much more deeply that previously. Of great significance is that I knew that I knew! Over the weeks that followed, I was significantly aware of this greater depth and understanding as I interacted with others. As time passed, I accepted the change that had occurred during that night’s event. Finally, the change had become so commonplace within me that I no longer marveled at its occurrence. I just accepted it as part of me now; and have embraced such depth of understanding as part of me since.

Now, decades later, I am nevertheless distinctly aware of the details that occurred at that time; and I’d always reflected on the significance and meaning of that experience. Though I was certainly not disturbed by the experience (on the contrary, I’d been blessed) and it did not occupy a central place in my thinking as I continued to engage the developments of my mortal sojourn. Nevertheless, the experience had left me pondering about just what had taken place that night.

Until I happened upon a scripture that seemed to accurately explain the manifestation that had taken place (during my ponderings in 2024). In Doctrine and Covenants Section 88 it reveals:

63. Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

64. Whatsoever ye ask the Father in my name it shall be given unto you, that is expedient for you;

65. And if ye ask anything that is not expedient for you, it shall turn unto your condemnation.

66, Behold, that which you hear is as the voice of one crying in the wilderness—in the wilderness, because you cannot see him—my voice, because my voice is Spirit; my Spirit is truth; truth abideth and hath no end; and if it be in you it shall abound.

67. And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things.

68. Therefore, sanctify yourselves that your minds become single to God, and the days will come that you shall see him; for he will unveil his face unto you, and it shall be in his own time, and in his own way, and according to his own will.

I’d sought my Heavenly Father for months preceding the manifestation. And I’d asked repeatedly. Certainly, I’d been seeking that which would’ve been expedient. Thus, the words that particularly seemed to resonate within my soul were from verse 67:

• your whole bodies shall be filled with light,

• • • I’d certainly been ‘filled with light’ as described earlier.

• and there shall be no darkness in you;

• • • The light certainly displaced the darkness that accumulated within my soul; and that I’d been unaware of until the light permitted me to distinguish the dark from the light.

• and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things

• • I recognized I’d comprehended things dramatically better following the manifestation

As I reflected on this revelation, I began to search more earnestly regarding my experience. I then uncovered additional understanding in Doctrine and Covenants Section 11:

12. And now, verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good—yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit.

13. Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy;

14. And then shall ye know, or by this shall you know, all things whatsoever you desire of me, which are pertaining unto things of righteousness, in faith believing in me that you shall receive.

Of particular note here are the words found in verse 13:

• which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy

• • Though I’d not expressed it directly, I’ve certainly expressed the gratitude and joy that accompanied the manifestation. It was magnificent. Additionally, I subsequently recognized that my mind had been enlightened.

In April 2002 general conference, Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles observed: 

• “Light and darkness cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Light dispels darkness. When light is present, darkness is vanquished and must depart. More important, darkness cannot conquer light unless the light is diminished or departs”.

• • Such was the case amidst the manifestation

In the Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi 13: 22 we read:

12. The light of the body is the eye; if, therefore, thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.

Of note here are the words:

• thy whole body shall be full of light.

• • Such had been the result of the manifestation.

In Joseph Smith’s translation (via the Urim and Thummim) Matthew 6:22 states:

22. The light of the body is the eye; if therefore thine eye be single to the glory of God, thy whole body shall be full of light.

Again:

• thy whole body shall be full of light.

• • The conclusive result of the manifestation.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the First Presidency taught that as we draw near to God, our souls will be filled with light:

“As we draw near to Heavenly Father, we become more holy. And as we become more holy, we will overcome disbelief and our souls will be filled with His blessed light. As we align our lives with this supernal light, it leads us out of darkness and toward greater light. This greater light leads to the unspeakable ministering’s of the Holy Spirit, and the veil between heaven and earth can become thin”           (“The Love of God,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2009, 23–24).

• and our souls will be filled with His blessed light

• • As experienced in the manifestation.

In January 2007, President James E. Faust, Second Counselor in the First Presidency provided the following in the Fist Presidency Message entitled “The Forces That Will Save Us”:

This personal revelation will surely come to all whose eyes are single to the glory of God, for it is promised that their bodies will be “filled with light, and there shall be no darkness” in them. All who come unto Christ by obedience to the covenants and ordinances of the gospel can thwart Satan’s efforts. The humble followers of the divine Master need not be deceived by the devil if they will be honest and true to their fellow men and women, go to the house of the Lord, receive the sacrament worthily, observe the Sabbath day, pay their tithes and offerings, offer contrite prayers, engage in the Lord’s work, and follow those who preside over them.

• This personal revelation will surely come to all whose eyes are single to the glory of God, for it is promised that their bodies will be “filled with light, and there shall be no darkness” in them. 

• • As experienced in the manifestation.